There’s No Space for a Good Girl in the Birth Room
As an independent midwife in the UK, I have supported countless women before, during, and after birth. Over and over, I hear the same haunting phrases:
“I didn’t want to be difficult.”
“I trusted them — I thought they knew best.”
“I didn’t feel I could say no.”
These aren’t just personal regrets. They’re the result of a wider problem: patriarchal conditioning that trains women to be obedient, agreeable, and silent — even in the most vulnerable moments of their lives.
We are taught to be good girls. To not question authority. To not make noise. To be liked, compliant, and easy to manage. But birth is not a place for obedience. It’s a space for power, sovereignty, and self-trust.
And trying to be a “good girl” in the birth room? That’s a fast track to birth trauma, self-blame, and a lifetime of wondering what went wrong.
Patriarchy in the Birth Room
The modern maternity system was not built to centre women’s voices — it was built to manage them. Historically, childbirth was a women-led, community-held event. Over time, the medicalisation of birth removed power from the hands of women and placed it firmly in the hands of institutions — often led by men, guided by policy, and ruled by risk management.
Today, even with women staffing our maternity wards, the system is still shaped by these old structures. And within them, the “good girl” survives: saying yes when she means no, enduring when she needs to speak, and thanking the system even when it leaves her wounded.
The Psychological Cost
In the UK, up to one-third of women describe their birth as traumatic, and around 4% go on to develop postnatal PTSD. Many more suffer in silence with symptoms of anxiety, depression, and dissociation.
The root of this trauma isn’t just what happens during birth — it’s how it’s experienced. When your boundaries are ignored, your voice dismissed, or your consent assumed rather than asked for, the trauma cuts deep.
And the cruelest twist? The good girl blames herself. For not speaking. For not knowing. For not stopping it.
Reclaiming Power: From Good Girl to Sovereign Woman
You were never meant to be a “good girl” in labour. You were meant to be a force of nature.
If you're pregnant now, or planning a future birth, it's time to:
Unlearn obedience. You don’t owe anyone your silence or your compliance.
Learn your rights. You have legal and bodily autonomy — no one can override your consent.
Say NO with strength. Say it often, say it early, say it without apology.
Build a circle that serves you. Your birth team should honour your instincts, not try to control them.
Birth is not something done to you. It’s something only you can do. And it must be on your terms.
The Healing Starts Now
If you’ve already experienced a traumatic birth, please know: you did not fail — you were failed. And the healing begins by shifting the blame from your shoulders to the structures that shaped your silence.
Let’s raise daughters who know how to say no. Let’s support mothers who roar in labour. Let’s reclaim birth from the grip of patriarchy and return it to its rightful place — in the hands of women.
Because there is no space for a good girl in the birth room. But there is infinite space for an informed, powerful, sovereign woman.
