Safety in Pregnancy and Birth: Why Connection Matters More Than Protocols
“Safety is not the absence of threat; it is the presence of connection.” – Gabor Maté
When most of us hear the word safety in pregnancy, we immediately think of medical tests, monitoring, risk assessments, and protocols. Safety is often defined as the absence of problems: no high blood pressure, no gestational diabetes, no complications, no red flags.
But what if true safety isn’t just about avoiding problems? What if real safety — the kind that supports a healthy pregnancy, a calm birth, and a confident parenthood — is found in connection?
As an independent midwife in East Sussex, this idea shapes everything I do. Because while guidelines and checks are important, they are not the whole picture. Safety also comes from trust, relationship, and the quiet presence of someone who knows you and your journey.
The Current System: Safety Defined by Threats
Within mainstream antenatal care, safety is often approached through a lens of risk. From the very first booking appointment, women and birthing people are assessed, screened, and stratified. Are you high risk or low risk? What category do you fall into?
Of course, there is value in identifying genuine medical concerns. But this system also creates unintended consequences:
A focus on what might go wrong rather than what is going well.
Fragmented care, with families often seeing a different midwife at every appointment.
Anxiety and loss of confidence, as parents are reminded at every turn of the “threats” that could emerge.
In this model, safety is defined almost entirely by the absence of threat. Yet as Gabor Maté reminds us, safety is far deeper than that.
The Physiology of Safety
Pregnancy and birth are profoundly influenced by our emotional state. When we feel unsafe, stressed, or disconnected, our bodies release stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. These can disrupt labour, slow progress, and impact bonding.
When we feel safe and connected, oxytocin — the hormone of labour, love, and let-down — flows more freely. This isn’t “alternative” thinking; it’s basic physiology. Safety is not just measured in clinical outcomes; it is lived in the body through connection and trust.
What Does Connection Look Like in Maternity Care?
Connection in pregnancy and birth isn’t abstract — it’s practical and tangible. It means:
Continuity of care — seeing the same midwife throughout your pregnancy, birth, and postnatal period.
Being truly known — your midwife remembers your history, your preferences, your fears, and your joys.
Shared decision-making — where your voice is central, and your choices are respected.
Presence in labour — a calm, trusted and familiar face who stays with you, not just in and out to perform checks.
This is where independent midwifery stands apart. In a system stretched thin, continuity is rare. With an independent midwife, continuity is the foundation.
How Connection Creates Safety
Let’s break it down.
Reduced anxiety: When you know your midwife, you don’t waste emotional energy retelling your story. You feel relaxed, and your body responds positively.
Earlier identification of genuine issues: Because your midwife knows you, subtle changes stand out. Connection sharpens clinical safety, it doesn’t replace it.
Stronger advocacy: If complications do arise, a midwife who knows you can support you through NHS systems, ensuring your voice isn’t lost.
Safer homebirths: Studies show homebirth with a known midwife is as safe as hospital birth for low-risk pregnancies — and leads to higher satisfaction and fewer interventions.
Postnatal wellbeing: Connection doesn’t stop at birth. Regular visits up to 6 weeks or beyond mean breastfeeding, sleep, and recovery are supported within a trusting relationship.
Safety as a Feeling, Not Just an Outcome
One of the great misconceptions in maternity care is that safety is only about measurable outcomes: Apgar scores, rates of induction, or statistics on caesarean sections.
But ask any new parent, and they’ll tell you safety is also a feeling. Safety is the calm of knowing someone has your back. Safety is trust, confidence, and the ability to exhale.
In other words, safety is not just about the absence of threat — it’s about the presence of connection. And of course whatever the decisions we make and paths we take there is no such thing as no threat. Threat is all around us. It is about choosing the risks we are willing to take.
The Cost of Disconnection
Without connection, families often describe their care as:
Rushed
Impersonal
Confusing
Over-medicalised
This can leave lasting marks. Anxiety in pregnancy, trauma in birth, and challenges bonding with a baby can all stem from feeling unsupported and unseen.
Disconnection has a cost. Connection is the remedy.
Independent Midwifery: Bringing Connection Back
As an independent midwife based in East Sussex, I offer continuity and personalised care that centres connection. My role is not to replace medical systems, but to provide what they cannot:
Time — appointments that often last 2 hours, not 15 minutes.
Consistency — the same midwife at every visit, birth, and postnatal check.
Trust — a relationship where your questions are welcomed, your values respected, and your choices supported.
Holistic support — blending clinical expertise with understanding of alternative health models, breastfeeding, and family rhythms.
Whether you are planning a homebirth in East Sussex, considering alternatives to standard antenatal care, or simply want to feel more known in your pregnancy journey, independent midwifery offers a different path.
Stories of Connection
Clients often tell me the most important part of our work together isn’t just the clinical checks, but the sense of being held. Knowing that someone is there for them, someone they trust, makes all the difference.
One family recently described their homebirth as “the safest they had ever felt” — not because nothing could possibly go wrong, but because they felt supported, seen, and connected every step of the way.
Returning to the Heart of Safety
The modern maternity system often equates safety with surveillance. More checks, more scans, more protocols. Yet the truth is more nuanced. Safety is not just about eliminating threats.
As Gabor Maté teaches, safety is the presence of connection. In pregnancy and birth, that connection is found in relationships — with your midwife, your partner, your baby, and yourself.
This is the safety I offer as an independent midwife: calm, personalised, relational care that honours both the science and the humanity of birth.
A Warm Invitation
If you are pregnant and looking for something different — care that balances professionalism with deep human connection — I would love to hear from you.
I am an independent homebirth midwife based in East Sussex, supporting families across the region with continuity of care from early pregnancy to the postnatal period.
📞 Book a free call today to find out how I can support your journey with safety, connection, and trust at its heart.
